Friday, July 31, 2009

UPDATE 5: Training up a child

Condition of baby: extremely sleepy
Put baby in crib: 10:46 pm
Number of head lifts: 2
Number of kicks: 7
Baby was asleep: 10:49 pm

UPDATE 4: Training up a child

Very Hard Session!

It was 4:23 pm when I laid her down for a nap, she was obviously very sleepy. She only tried to raise her head about 5 times. However, she started kicking her legs. I knew this was going to keep her from going to sleep, but I wasn't sure what I was going to do about it. First I thought, maybe she needs to potty. Kicking can be a sign that the baby needs to go. So set her on the potty, but she did not go. I took her back to bed and started over. The kicking started up again. I decided to treat it just like her raising her head. Everytime she kicked, I stopped her legs from kicking and said, "NO, no. Go night, night." It was just as hard for her to give up the kicking as it had been hard for her to stop raising her head the first time I trained her. She didn't give the kicking until 4:45. She was asleep by 4:47. I stayed by her crib until 4:50 just to make sure she was really asleep. If you subtract 5 minutes for the potty break, this session took about 17 minutes. That stinks.

UPDATE 3: Training up a child


Haven was very sleepy so I took her to her crib at 1:19 pm. I said "Go night, night" and gently pushed her head down and said, "No, no. Go night, night" every time she lifted it up. Haven stopped trying to raise her head in 2 minutes and was asleep 1 minute later!

This is 1000000 times better than the crying it out method! I like it because I am right there with my baby, comforting her by little pats on the back and laying my hand lightly on her noggin. I'm letting her know that I want her to go to sleep, instead of being far away in another room hoping that she will finally get the idea, stop crying and go to sleep. I have to admit, I have tried crying it out 2 times before and it broke my heart to hear her crying. It sounded like a cry of "mommy, why did you leave me all alone? I need you!" The crying (mostly just whining) she does with this new method is more like "mommy, I don't want to lay my head down and go to sleep. Let me get up and play!" That's a cry that I can deal with.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

UPDATE 2: Training up a child

Another 8 minute success at 1:15 pm today! Boy, do those 8 minutes seem like an eternity! I'm thinking, "She's never going to give up!" But she does and sooner than I expect.

I've been reading what people think about traditional discipline online and it's quite sickening. Some parents say, "I never make demands of my children, I simply ask them to do something and if they say 'Do I have to?' I say 'no.'" THAT IS INSANE! Imagine this scenario:

Child is standing in the street when parent sees the child is in danger.
PARENT: Johnny will you please get out of the road?
CHILD: Do I have to?
PARENT: No, but what if a car comes and you get hit?
CHILD: I don't see any cars.
PARENT: If a car comes you will get hit by it. Do you want to get hit by a car?
The child thinks for a minute. The child is too immature to understand the consequences of being hit by a car.
Parent sees a car approaching.
PARENT: You have to get out of the road, there is a car coming!
CHILD: NO! I don't want to!
Parent grabs child. Child becomes limp and begins throwing a fit. Parent drags screaming child out of the road just in time.

How could that parent FORCE their child to do something?!?!? How cruel to break that little spirit!! How cruelly authoritarian of that overly traditional parent!!

You get my point.

I think I may know the cause of all this.
1. People want to do what they want to do.
2. People know that God made laws for them to obey.
3. People decided that God's laws do not matter.
4. People decided they are better off without God's laws.
5. People decided that obedience to laws (commands) is a weakness.
6. People do not want to make their children weak by forcing obedience onto their children.
1. People suffer because they break God's laws (example: the adulterer losses his family's trust, the fornicator losses his purity and gets sexual diseases)
2. Children suffer (become spoiled brats) because their parents refuse to make them obey.
3. Parents finally must force obedience in desperate situations.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Explaination Video about Elimination Communication

She mentions the child arching his back to indicate that he does not need to use the potty. However, in my experience, Haven arches her back because she would rather do something besides use the potty. For example, just a few minutes ago she woke up from her nap so I took her to the potty. She immediately pooped a little and I praised her. Then she started arching her back. I said, "No, no" and put her back. Then she pooped some more. So when it comes to Haven, arching her back does not mean she doesn't need to potty.

UPDATE: Training up a child

Heath and I are now proud parents to almost 7 month old Haven Norah. She has been the best baby I could have hoped for. Such a sweetie. Most of my days are consumed with feeding her, diapering her, training her, and loving her. I can't imagine my life without her. Getting her here was quite a journey, which I'm sure you'll hear about later.

As a parent, I am determined to have well-behaved, obedient children. I don't think that is too much to ask. I think, if I expect unruly children, that is what I will get! I am aiming much higher.

I mentioned "training" Haven and that may sound strange to most. How do you train a 7 month old baby? Well, I'm still working it out myself, but I will share what I have learned:

According to the Bible, a child must be trained. I have been quite worried about this in the past because, I had no idea how to "train up a child in the way he should go." I was sure to fail with no plan. I mean, I did have a plan kind of.... I knew that I would spank my kids if they disobeyed me. But that didn't give me peace. There must be more to know. I finally found a website
( ) written by the mother of 10 children that explains how to train children. It was such a revelation and relief to find!

She starts with the very basics - from day 1. This is just my paraphrasing:

0-about 6 months: Love, hold, cuddle, comfort your baby. No need to train, just make them feel secure and loved. Plus, you are still recovering from delivery and probably have no time to think about training.

About 6 - 12 months: Start teaching your baby the meaning of the word "no." It is time to start teaching your baby that you are the authority that must be obeyed. It is kinder to teach them now, rather than wait until they are older and more independent and resistant. This isn't full-time training, just a time to basically teach that when you say "no" they will not get their own way. In my opinion, there should be no painful spanking in this stage. Ultimately, according to the author, if you begin training early and consistently without painful spanking, you will rarely have to spank in the future.

This is about how all I have committed to memory, since Haven is still 7 months old. Let me share what I have done so far.

July28, 2009
11:15 am Haven was sleepy so I put her lying on her stomach in her crib. She lifted her head and I gently pushed it back down and said "No, no. Go night, night." After about 5 repeats of this, she started whining. after about 5 more repeats, she started crying. After about 10 more repeats she started sucking her thumb. After that, she only lifted her head about 5 more times before going to sleep. This whole process took about 15 minutes (although it SEEMED much longer to me!). I was so amazed and excited! Can you imagine? Your child is only 7 months old and you've already won your first battle of wills in just 15 minutes? (By the way, I do not HOLD the baby's head down. I want her to choose to keep it down on her own.)

11:30 pm Haven was sleepy so I laid her on her stomach in her crib. She lifted her head and I gently pushed it back down and said "No, no. Go night, night." There was barely a whimper of protest this time. She continued to try to raise her head for about 5 to 8 minutes before falling asleep. Another success!

July 29, 2009
11:30 am Haven was kind of fussy and I thought she might be sleepy so I laid her on her stomach in her crib. She lifted her head and I gently pushed it back down and said "No, no. Go night, night." She begin to fuss and continued to lift her head for about 5 minutes. Then she became calmer and I thought she was about to doze off. However, she suddenly begin crying more loudly than before and lifting her head more often. (I believe in psychology this is called spontaneous recovery.) This continued for about 15 more minutes, when I had to go finish Heath's Lunch. I was pretty upset that I had to stop the training before she went to sleep, since consistency is the key here. But I did wait until there was a pause in her crying before picking her up and putting her on the living room floor.

1:00 pm Haven was tired and sleepy so I laid her on her stomach in her crib. She lifted her head and I gently pushed it back down and said "No, no. Go night, night." She resisted MUCH less than before and was asleep in about 8 minutes. Progress!

The only other area that I am currently training Haven in is associated to her IPT (infant potty training). I have been noticing for a few weeks that she has become resistant to being held over the potty and arches her back a lot. Since learning more about child training I have started saying "No" and putting her back over the potty whenever she arches her back.

She's been really good about using the potty. She usually uses it about... 4 to 10 times a day. I NEVER get upset if she uses her diaper (maybe a bit discouraged, if she does it all day long), becuase I don't expect her to know how to hold it yet. I just praise her everytime she uses the potty instead of her diaper. People seem shocked when they find out I take her to the potty, but why not? I believe that children can learn things very early and I don't plan to wait around and let her "learn" that the diaper is the only place to go potty. In the same way, I don't want her to "learn" that she can do whatever she wants all the time and no one will ever make her do anything she doesn't want to do.

I will try to keep posting about this, mainly so I can look back to see what works and what doesn't.